Loving Lena Read online

  Loving Lena

  Title Page

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 1

  Loving Lena

  S J. Nelson

  Loving Lena

  Copyright © June 2011 by S. J. Nelson

  Published by Sitting Bull Publishing

  Raeford, NC

  www.wix.com/SittingBullPub/sittingbull

  All rights reserved. This copy is intended for the original purchaser of this e-book ONLY.

  No part of this e-book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed without prior written

  permission from S. J. Nelson or Sitting Bull Publishing.

  eISBN 978-1937334-00-0

  This e-book is a work of fiction. While reference might be made to actual historical events or existing locations, the names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  Chapter 1

  Lena Pace hid in her bathroom. For the hundredth time, she wondered what she was doing. Why had she given in to her wacky needs and left the club with the hunky man waiting in her room? Turning on the water, she looked at herself in the mirror. According to Faye, her best friend, she still looked like the fresh faced eighteen-year-old who’d run the streets of Denver five years ago. However, Lena knew better. Her sham of a marriage had left its mark even if her outer appearance didn’t tell the tale, her memory box wouldn’t allow her to forget. Her cynicism was in full bloom.

  “You okay in there?” The soft knock snapped her out of her musings.

  “Yeah, I’m good. Just need a few more minutes.” Head hanging forward, she pushed the long dark strands from her face and swallowed hard. This was no way to live, checking closets or medicine cabinets, double guessing every word or gesture. Standing straight in the spotless room, she grimaced at her fingernails. An hour ago, they’d been holding this man’s cheeks, pulling him tight as he pounded into her. It’d been fantastic and had almost silenced the fears, the doubts. Almost, being the key word.

  “I’ve got to get going. I have an appointment. Want to get together for lunch?” He said through the door, his voice hopeful. The foul taste of regret stung her mouth and singed her nostrils. She couldn’t remember his name. Her new mantra, get what you need and then let them go. That way she was guaranteed against being humiliated again. Still, this wasn't working. She had to stop.

  “I have a meeting with the Principal at the school this afternoon.” She lied, not intending to see him again. He waited a heartbeat.

  “Oh, okay. I’ll call you later then.” Her forehead touched the wall as she waited for the pain to stop. When he left, she slid to the floor, opened the bottom drawer of the vanity, and pulled out one of the damning letters. The parchment that had fractured her self esteem and destroyed her confidence in her ability to discern fact from fiction appeared wrinkled and worn from many readings. She kept them all as reminders of what happens when you believe the hype. As reminders that men couldn’t be trusted. Moreover, as a reminder to be vigilant and never get sucker-punched again. Fool me once, forget it happening a second time. Bracing herself, she gazed at the short missive.

  Dear Lena:

  Your attorney won't give out any information on your whereabouts, and after my dad hit you, I can't blame you. First, I want to say I am sorry. Sorry that I've failed you as a husband, and as your spiritual leader and Pastor. The day you walked in on Anthony and I, my life stopped. You said I'd wasted five years of your life. That I was incapable of ever loving you the way a man loves a woman. I guess you believe that based on what you saw in the bedroom that day, but you are wrong. I love you. Have always loved you.

  You are the bright beam in my dreary existence. Every since I was a little boy, I'd been told I was special, that God's hand was on my life. Consequently, my life consisted of church and preparing for my own church and little else. I was never allowed to play sports and have no interest or love for them. I had no friends outside of church members. I needed to remain pure. I had no idea what happened between a man and a woman. God was supposed to teach me when the time was right. You see how that turned out.

  I came to you as a man, but I didn’t know how to be a husband. I'm not sure I know how to be one now. But, I'm willing to try. Meeting you was the highlight of an otherwise bleak existence. You were my first in so many things, and I will always treasure the time with you. I know these sound like excuses, but I’ve been trying to figure out why we're at this difficult place in our lives.

  You deserve the best this world has to offer, and I messed up. You are beautiful inside and out. I understand you want nothing to do with my crazy family or me. I pray that will change, that we can start our family as we planned. I beg your forgiveness. I wanted to let you know; I do love you and will always love you.

  Your Husband

  Elijah Pace

  The words washed over her. She closed her eyes. The pain and embarrassment wasn’t as strong. It had been six months since she’d walked in on him screwing Anthony, the Music Minister from the church. Ironically, the three of them had been close friends, although Elijah and Anthony were obviously closer. She’d been playing the Good Samaritan that day and took soup to Anthony, who’d been absent from church because of a bad cold. Or so he’d claimed. They had keys to each other’s places, so it was nothing for her to walk in with a warm batch of homemade chicken pasta soup and cold medicine. Strange sounds from the back caught her attention. Thinking he was having some type of attack, she rushed to his room. The door stood open and she got an eyeful of her husband pounding the smaller man in the rear. If the sounds and facial expressions were any indication, both men seemed to be in heaven.

  She’d never seen that look on Elijah’s face when he was with her. That thought brought others, until she shook with the pain of betrayal and rage. They’d had a showdown after the men emerged from the room. After a well-deserved slap across his face, she left him with his lover. Since she’d cut off all communication with him, he’d taken to writing her. Even Anthony had written to her. She pulled out his letter.

  Lena,

  I know you don't want to hear from me, not after catching us, well you know. But before you throw this letter in the trash, I'm begging you on behalf of the long friendship we had to let me say these few words. Elijah loves you. Well, as much as he can love anybody. He's falling apart because of the divorce and the lawsuit. He misses you and is barely functioning. Now, I got that in, and if you're still reading I need to tell you, I'm sorry.

  You've been the closest person to a sister I've ever had. When you and Elijah met five years ago, I applauded his choice and stood up for him as best man. I believed then and still believe he'd chosen the best woman in the world for him. Please believe me when I say Elijah and I were not involved all those years. As you know, I was screwing a few of the women in the choir and the congregation. If someone, anyone, had told me I was interested in men, I would've laughed. I'm not interested in men. I don't believe I'm gay.

  I would be lying if I said I didn't love Elijah. I do. Probably have for years. It wasn't sexual until about six weeks before you caught us. The guilt ate at me until I couldn't look at you; I was s
o ashamed of my actions. I stayed away from church, saying I was sick. Besides, it wasn't just you we cheated on, but the big guy upstairs as well. It's such a double standard, I know. I've never felt any guilt for banging the women in the church, but after messing around with my best friend a couple of times, I looked for lightning bolts.

  I know this isn't funny to you, but you know me, I hide my nervousness with offbeat humor. If you're still reading, I really appreciate it. I promised myself I'd be honest with you, but it's damn hard. I hurt you. Elijah hurt you. The one person in the world neither of us wanted caught in the crossfire. I beg your forgiveness, I hate I lost my best friend because of my lack of control. Maybe one day you'll talk to me again, and I can apologize by voice.

  Anthony

  They'd been good friends, or so she thought. Would a friend treat another friend the way he'd treated her? God, she hoped not. Could she ever forgive him? Thinking about it gave her a pounding headache. Moving on meant leaving the stain of her marriage behind. In theory, it sounded good; she hoped a change of venue would help.

  ###

  The warmth of Wyoming’s noon sun added it's validation on the outing Lena and Faye embarked upon. After weeks of bullying to get her out the house, Faye's antiquated car succeeded where all other ploys failed. Months ago, Lena had stopped dating, stopped going out, and stopped dealing with people. She knew Faye worried over her. The divorce had taken its toll emotionally. Her attorney was salivating over a possible quick settlement with the County Police department and her father-in-law. She’d found little joy in the sordid mess and wished it was over, even though she’d moved away.

  Based on Faye’s research, Hoffmann Motors dealership offered the best deals and service. Faye bubbled with excited energy. Lena smiled, glad to see someone animated. Recently, her life had taken on the role of a badly-written television sitcom. No matter how hard she tried to shake the gloominess, it clung to her like a parasitic vine.

  “Look at all these cars,” Faye enthused. “I wanna test drive a couple.” Her legs moved at a fast clip towards the front row where the sports cars were parked and displayed. Lena stood next to her car, a faithful BMW 535, which she’d keep according to the proposed settlement. She stretched and looked around. There were so many cars to choose from; she prayed this wouldn't take all day. Faye beckoned her toward a red mustang.

  “Look at this one.” Faye’s French-manicured hands stroked the hood while she watched her reflection. The yellow-gold sleeveless top and jean mini-skirt complemented her mocha complexion. Lena had always thought of Faye as a black Barbie doll. Shorter than Lena’s almost six feet, Faye’s body was curvaceous, and she sported a perpetual smile. Her short hair matched her angular face and large doe eyes. Faye had no problem with the diva label.

  “Uh, I think you’d better stop looking like you’re about to cum, we are in public.” Lena said laughing.

  “No matter, this baby is a dick magnet. I can't help feeling an instant connection.” Faye pulled open the door and sat inside. Her short skirt rose up her thighs.

  “I see something yellow; please pull your skirt down.” Lena turned her back, covering her eyes. Faye laughed and tugged on the scrap of jean fabric.

  “Okay, Mom.”

  “It looks like you're about to get some help.” Lena watched the blond hunk walk toward them at a leisurely pace, smile firmly in place. Barbie and Ken, she sent an amused glance to her friend.

  “Jeff Raglein.” He extended his hand to Lena introducing himself. When he saw Faye, his mouth opened, minus sound, as he looked her over from the white tips of her toes to the symmetrical cut of her hair. Faye had given him the same run-down and sported a feisty grin of appreciation. Lena hoped this meant she'd get to leave sooner rather than later. To do what?

  She had no real plans…she just wanted... that was the real problem; she didn't know what she wanted. Her husband's betrayal cut deep. She wasn't sure what hurt more, the fact she'd been blind to all the signs that now seemed glaringly obvious or the five years she'd given of her life living a lie. Her self-confidence plummeted and lived around her ankles. Despite what everyone said, she felt like a fool. She should've known, suspected something, instead she'd been blindsided.

  “Leen? Lena,” Faye called walking to the other side of the car. “Wanna test drive this baby?”

  “No thanks, I’ll, um just wait here.” She smiled at the salesman’s reaction to Faye flashing her yellow panties while sliding in the seat. Lust dripped from his expression as he slid into the passenger's seat, his eyes never leaving Faye's thigh area while he buckled up. Faye tugged at the material, glanced at her, and winked. Lena laughed, silently wished the big guy luck, and headed toward her car.

  Kurt Hoffman caught a glimpse of the chocolate beauty on the monitor in his office and froze. There weren’t that many African Americans in Cheyenne and before today he would’ve said either he’d met most of them while growing up in the area, and or at an event, his company sponsored. He'd bet his monthly sales this gorgeous creature wasn't a native.

  Tall, graceful, generous curves in the right places in short, a walking wet dream. Without pausing to think, he left the sanctity of his office to get a closer look, desperately wanting her to be real. His long limbs ate up the distance, intercepting her before she reached her car.

  “Hello.” He extended his hand. She hesitated before taking it, a nice smile on her face that didn't reach her eyes. He stared into the light brown orbs, surprised by the caution and sadness reflected in their depths. Indignation rose in his chest at the thought of someone hurting such a beauty. The need to comfort and protect crashed over him.

  “I'm Kurt. Can I show you anything?” He continued holding her hand. She glanced at the connection and tugged lightly. Slowly, he released her hand, taking a quick glance at the luxury car and then back at her, wondering how she’d come by the calluses he felt on her palm. An air of melancholy surrounded her. Obviously, more than a beautiful face, she presented a mystery. A paradox. Her previous walk toward her car had been graceful, her voice cultured, yet she’d worked hard at some point. It didn’t add up. Nothing attracted him more than a woman with added depth. He suspected she had layers upon layers of hidden rooms. Briefly, he wondered what he’d discover.

  “No thanks, I drove my friend up here to purchase a car. She just left on a test drive.”

  As he nodded and took her elbow, his goal changed. Now that he’d confirmed her good looks, he wanted to get to know her better. “It's a nice day, but hot. Come inside and I’ll get you a cool drink.” She hesitated. “At least you'll be comfortable in the cold air while you wait.”

  “All right.” They walked inside together.

  “What would you like to drink? Soft drink, juice, or water?” He took the opportunity to study her features. A heart-shaped face with large eyes, full lips, and a straight nose. When she spoke, she displayed a small gap between her front teeth. Sexy.

  “A bottle of water would be fine, thank you.” Her husky voice grabbed his attention as she looked around the lobby area. He steered her to his office and pointed to a seat. Once again, he noticed her hesitation.

  She glanced around the room and looked at him. “Your office?”

  “Yeah, I figured you'd be more comfortable.” He handed her a bottle of water from his personal stash.

  “Really?” her tone dry. “Why would I be more comfortable in a closed room with a strange man than out in the open lobby?”

  He coughed and laughed. “I guess you're right. I hadn't thought of it that way. I should've given you a choice, huh?”

  “Yes, you should've.” She smiled opening the water.

  “I wanted to talk to you,” he admitted. “I saw you on the lot earlier and wanted to see if you were as pretty, close-up.” Her brow rose as she sat back in the chair. At least she hadn't left running or screaming at his high-handedness. “I'm a simple man and when all else fails, I fall back on my primitive inclinations.”

  “Primitiv
e?” Her lip lifted at the corner.

  “Yes.” He nodded taking the seat next to her. “A man sees a woman he wants, and he does whatever necessary to get her attention.”

  She laughed. A nice, lyrical sound reached inside his chest and warmed his heart. “I guess I should be grateful you didn't throw me over your shoulder.”

  “It was a toss-up.” He winked at her. “Desperate measures and all that.” He gazed at her, fascinated with the emotions flying across her face. “I'm Kurt Hoffmann.”

  “Lena Pace.”

  “Pretty name. Where are you from, Lena? And please tell me you live here now.” His voice sounded more anxious than he'd like. He needed to get a grip. Although they'd just met, he wanted her beneath him as soon as possible.

  “I lived in Aurora, a suburb of Denver for the past five years. I'm seriously thinking of relocating here.” Her voice turned hesitant again.

  Layers upon layers. He wondered if he was up to peeling them away. Did he really want to go through mental gymnastics just to spend time with her? It was something to consider.

  The vibes flowing from her screamed monogamy; he turned a deaf ear. He wanted a friend with benefits-type of thing. As pretty as she was, and with the military base nearby, there would be men after her in droves. Was he down with tending the flower to get the nectar, or would he let another handle the role of gardener? “What's stopping you?”

  She shrugged and glanced out the window. “Actually, I have two job offers. Originally, I came up to see my girl. Then I decided to hang around, check out the area. It helps that Faye, my friend, lives here, so I'll know someone.” He took her hand, rubbed her palm with his finger.

  “I want you to move here. But I'd like to see you again no matter where you live.” His eyes captured hers.

  “Well.” She coughed, removed her hand, and lowered her eyes. “I'll, uh, certainly keep that in mind.”